Friday, October 16, 2009




I Love to wake up in the early stillness of the morning. Everything is quiet and peaceful. The day is fresh and new. It's the perfect time for some reading and worshiping.

Yesterday I had a bit if a breakdown while talking to God. First, it was in the afternoon which is not for me. All of the hustle from the day was already on my mind and I couldn't really concentrate. Second, I just felt so lost and without purpose.

Here just a while ago I was busy with God's work and have been that way for a while. A leader in MOPS, choir, working in the nursery, teaching a kindergarten Sunday School class, A Bible Study class and up to my eye balls with my 3 babies, especially after AJ left. Not to mention extended family obligations and friends. I didn't do all of this at once but 2 to 3 at a time for about 4 years.

I loved every min of everything and don't regret anything but I think as busy as I made myself serving everyone (which I was born for) I started forgetting my number 1 purpose. The one I had wanted since I was little. My purpose to my family!

If your going to be busy; be busy for the Lord. My spiritual life was good. But God knew I needed a vacation and not just a week. I needed to just sit. Just sit with my babies, Just breathing them in and allowing God to breath in them.

I once read a devotion that asked the question "What will your kids say about you after your gone?" And I thought "Mom was always helping and working at church." Which sounds great, but I wasn't working very good at home. I didn't know how to balance. I ALWAYS thought God, Church, Family. So I thought I was suppose to do all those God things before my family. Until my sister had to tell me NO! it's your walk with God, Family, then your work for the church. (the church was in no way asking me to do these things. It was all stuff I wanted and gladly did) She explained it in length and more than just No!

So, here I am lately needing to fill a habit. I need to be busy. Mops, Choir, Teaching? "God I need a purpose, I have been here 4 months. Surely I am rested and your ready for me to go. I need you to show me what you want me to do." So I prayed heavy and pretty much aimlessly yesterday.

God and I have a direct line so I knew he would answer. I just didn't think it would be exactly what he has told me in the past. To me and by using at least 2 other people. One who knew me but not what I was praying for and the other didn't know me at all." "Rest In Me." that was his answer.... I just don't know how exactly. Which is why I believe he moved us up here.

So, I woke up in the quiet stillness of the morning, put on some worship music, and started praying. Got my Mom's Devotional Bible I had gotten at Mops Convention one year and opened to (just opened, no flipping or searching) and while I am reading I can imagine God is looking down shaking his head at me saying, "Girl you don't have a clue. How many times do I need to tell you."

Bahhhhhh..... Sheep are not the brightest of animals.

And it goes on to read.

We have needs, just like sheep. And we, like sheep, are sometimes to dumb to know just how to meet them. We run up bills, buying whatever we believe will fill our emptiness. We grab a box of cookies, trying to eat away or frustration with ourselves. We back our selves into so many commitments that the very breath is squeezed form our days. All out of our desire to be valuable to others. We like sheep, are not the brightest. We need a Shepard to guide us carefully, to show us green pastures where we can be fed and quiet waters where our souls can be restored.

The passage to go with that is: Psalm 23

No matter how many times I need something he is always there. Taking time out for my smallest need. He is such a great and loving Father. It simply amazes me how much I am loved. I am just so Thankful to be a child of the King.

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