Saturday, August 15, 2009

A Life Raft

Now I must say God is my utmost indestructible life raft. In times of a storm he keeps me afloat.. He is my Hope, my Peace, my Deliverer, my Healer. But even though he is my life raft, it's only human and natural to have some feelings of being powerless and having heartache when there are things you can't help, when things are beyond your control.... And sometimes, just sometimes I wish I had paddles (an instruction manual) to tell me what to do when unexpected sorrow comes my way... Have you ever heard the phrase "here's to walking past open windows" well my life raft saying is "here's to staying in the boat" or I could use what my sister and I say "Sister, talk me down from the ledge" I say all that to vent about.... I moved to my new home about 2 months ago and since I've been here I've missed seeing my sister's first baby being born and now my Granny has become ill... 2 people I am very close to... I know with out a doubt that God moved us here and has placed us in a church that we love and put us in the home we are in... No doubt in my mind.. I'm so at peace with being here but why would he move us just as things were going to change for 2 very important people in my life. I know God is in control.. And I know he's putting together a puzzle entitled "Selina's life". I see his hand in everything that happens in my life... I guess, I just feel powerless in the human flesh.. I am a .. "make things happen kind of girl".. very driven. But very dependant on God, if they happen it's because of him if they don't he has a better plan. I feel like God wants ... I don't know ....the only thing that come to me is "Rest, just Rest" and I have heard that from him before.. I do keep telling AJ that living here feels like being on a long vacation.
Life may not come with an instruction manual and there may be days when I don't know if I should stand or sit .. But I do know that as hard as it is at times being married and sometimes even harder being a mom (especially when "the mom guilt" hits but that's another blog all by it's self) there is nowhere in life I'd rather be; than In THAT RAFT. With or without paddles just being loved with no conditions, no regrets, no matter where the sea takes me.. I am Loved.

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